Best Running Jokes Of All Time
One of the best ways to stay motivated about running is through cracking jokes and sharing memes about that very same sport. Having a laugh can help athletes -amateur and professionals alike- power through sweat, pain, and tears.
We can divide most running jokes into a few different categories. There are funny puns, standard punchlines, as well as quirky and witty observations.
So, here’s a list of some of the best running jokes to tickle your sense of humor before hitting the track.
1. What do you call a person who runs behind a car?
Exhausted.
2. What do you call a person who runs in front of a car?
Tired.
3. Why are dogs and cats not allowed to run a marathon?
Because they aren’t part of the human race.
4. Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!
5. What do a dentist and a track coach have in common?
They both use drills!
6. What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory.
7. What kind of running shoes are made from banana skins?
Slippers.
8. Why was the blonde jogging backward?
She wanted to gain weight.
9. How do crazy runners get through a forest?
They take the “psycho” path.
10. Why did the trainer want her client to work out where it was sunny?
So she would feel the burn.
11. What do you call a competitive runner who just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
12. How did the barber win the foot race?
He took a shortcut.
13. If twenty monkeys run after one banana, what time is it?
Twenty after one!
14. What do you call a free treadmill?
Outside.
15. Who is the fastest runner of all time?
Adam, because he came first in the human race!
16. How do you know when you’ve married a running enthusiast?
When you have more running clothes than regular clothes in your laundry pile.
17. If I cut Usain Bolt, what am I?
A bolt cutter.
18. Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in squares!
19. Why did the chicken run across the road?
There was a car coming.
20. Why do runners go jogging early in the morning?
They want to finish before their brain figures out what they’re doing.
21. Why can’t you let a jogger be a potential juror?
Because you’ll have a runaway jury.
22. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run! She’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.
23. Why did the vegetarians stop running cross country?
They didn’t like “meets”!
24. Did you hear about the marathon runner who ran for three hours but only moved two feet?
He only had two feet!
25. If runners get athlete’s feet, what do astronauts get?
Mistletoe.
26. How do you know you’re a dedicated runner?
When your treadmill has more miles on it than your car.
27. What do you call running while listening to your favorite rapper?
A Snoop Jogg.
28. : What race is never run?
A swimming race.
29. Why can’t you take a nap during a race?
Because if you snooze, you lose!
30. What does a runner drink when they’re in last place?
Ketchup.
31. Why do strings and ropes never take part in a race?
Because they always tie.
32. Why did the number 1 win when all the numbers came together for a race?
Because he one.
33. Why are papers never likely to run and win races?
Because they’re stationary.
34. Why couldn’t the orange win the race of vegetables and fruits?
Because it ran out of juice.
35. Why were the police waiting to arrest the runner at the finish line?
Because he beat his opponent in the marathon.
36. Why was Sir Paul McCartney stopped from running a marathon once?
He got banned on the run.
37. Why can pigs never run marathons?
Because they’re always pulling their hamstrings.
38. Why do penguins have a reputation for winning marathons?
Because they peng-win.
39. Why did the sprinter finish the race first despite having a late start?
Because he was running a delay.
40. Why did Nicholas Cage and Nick Jonas not get first place when they ran a race for charity? Because they were Nick and Nick at the finish line.
41. How do you measure the speed of a cheetah?
Using the unit miles “purr” hour.
42. What did the marathon racer do about his fear of speed bumps on the road?
He’s slowly getting over it.
43. What’s the best time for Christians to run a race?
During Lent, because that’s when they fast.
44. How do sprinters get their money from the bank?
By dashing in their cheques.
45. What’s the only type of meal that runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
46. Why do runners never eat a full meal before the race?
Because they’re supposed to fast.
47. Why did the runner with a terrible cold win the race?
Because the cold made him feel extra runny.
48. There was this guy in the neighborhood who would never stop running. He was known around these parts as the jogger-naut.
49. My father would never give money to charities organizing marathons. He said they would always take your money and run.
50. Two racers got into a fight after the marathon. I heard it was a hit and run.
51. During the marathon, the Swedish runner, couldn’t complete the race because he stopped just before the Finnish line.
52. I don’t particularly appreciate running marathons because it gives me the runs.
53. We recently held a marathon for all the church priests in our county. The marathon was called the 5K Rev-run!
54. All racers have to be in sprint condition before a race.
55. I think I will switch from telling track jokes to animal puns, just for a track of better options.
56. Even after the heart surgery, the marathon runner was setting the pace for this marathon. Guess this is why he had a pacemaker.
57. I like going for runs at night because the added fear of being murdered really does wonders for my cardio.
58. I just went for a run. I can’t tell if the taste in my mouth is victory or blood, but I’ll savor it.
59. The sprinter who had the fastest lap in the 1000m was given the special prize of a lap-top.
60. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Eyesore.
Eyesore who?
Eyesore from my long run — can we take the elevator?
61. Sprinters from Finland always win a race because whenever you start the race, they already Finnish.
62. The runner threw away the lead he had gained during the race because of a “lap-se” in concentration.
63. After winning a recently held marathon primary election, the Senator decided to run for president.
64. If your computer is slow paint a Jamaican flag on it and it will run faster.
65. Once again, a Kenyan has won the marathon race. Kenya believe their superiority and dominance?
66. There have been efforts to have a marathon in Antarctica. The winners will be felicitated in the medal of nowhere.
67. I’m sorry if I don’t wave or smile back at you while I’m running. It’s just that I’m trying very hard to not die.
68. Did you hear about the running gardener who lost his race?
Yeah, apparently, he took the wrong root.
69. Did you see the fish that completed the London marathon?
He was doing it for the halibut, so it’s no wonder he came in last “plaice” because his heart and sole just wasn’t in it.
70. The snowman had to give up running because he just couldn’t warm up.
71. The marathon runner was detained in the middle of the marathon by the police because he was resisting a rest.
72. The DJ got disqualified from the 400m sprint because he kept changing tracks.
73. In the race conducted by the military to determine which armored vehicle was the fastest, racerback tanks came out on top.
74. Even though I got some running shoes to get fit, I am so out of shape that I can’t even keep up with them.
75. Alas, I couldn’t bring peace to the middle east, so Iran away instead.
76. We work out too much. We waste time. A friend of mine runs marathons. He always talks about this “runner’s high”.
But he has to go 26 miles for it. That’s why I smoke and drink. I get the same feeling from a flight of stairs.
77. Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the shit out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.
One of the hunters stopped, opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of Running shoes. His buddy looked at him and said, “What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can’t outrun the bear!”
To this the hunter said, “I know, all I have to do is outrun you!”
78. Deciding to take up jogging, the man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk: “What is this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
And the clerk answered: “Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far”.
79. A runner asks his wife: “What do you love most about me? My tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?”
“What I love most about you,” responded the man’s wife, “is your running sense of humor”.
80. No matter how much the track coach asked the sprinter to speed up during the last lap, he didn’t, and as a result, he lost the race. Guess he doesn’t know how to take a sprhint.